I try to keep it as real as possible in my blogs in order to give my family, friends, and anyone else reading my blogs a realistic view at my life at the Finca, including both my joys and hardships. To be 100% honest, the last month or so has been a little bit tougher on me than normal, and I have been blessed to learn A LOT about myself in the service coordinator position and ways that I can continue to improve. This job continues to stretch me and pull me outside of my comfort zone every single day, which (hopefully) means that I am becoming more and more the person that God wants me to become.
I without a doubt bring some real gifts and talents to this job, highlighted primarily by my energy and my unique ability to not get fatigued or burnt out when a lot is put on my plate. This service coordinator position will forever have a lot on its plate, which means that there are going to be times when working late nights and missing a few fun activities throughout the week is necessary. During my year and a half in this role, I have been able to meet that demanding workload and still wake up everyday with the normal Nate energy and ability to love the person in front of me. I pray that never changes!!
However, a fun times over the last month or so, I have been humbled in the best way possible and have become aware of a few things that I MUST improve upon ASAP as service coordinator to continue to guide and lead our missionary community. Sara, our INCREDIBLE, INCREDIBLE, INCREDIBLE Executive Director of Farm of the Child in the United States, came for a visit in mid-February with Molly, who is one of her new employees that recently started at the Finca and wanted to learn more about the mission. Sara supports people in a magnificent way, as that is one of her many, many gifts in her role as Executive Director. It was simply AMAZING to have her in Honduras, but it made me question and dig deeper into just how well I am supporting the missionaries that I am in charge of.
When Sara left, my three missionaries were raving about their conversations with Sara and how they feel much more prepared and supported as they continue their ministry in Honduras because of that time with her. I had two main thoughts…. The first thought was: WOW, that’s incredible that you feel that way and feel like you are able to love the person in front of you better throughout your day. The second thought definitely wasn’t as positive, but it was more like: Why can’t I support them like Sara does? Maybe I am not the best person to run this important position at the Finca? Am I holding them back from serving at a higher and more authentic level?
Our tías at the Finca recently went through a similar enlightening where our director, social work, and psychologist on the ground made it extremely clear one morning during a meeting that certain expectations within their jobs weren’t being met and that would not be tolerated going forward. I realized that I had a very similar reaction to our tías after we learned that we were not doing our respective jobs to the level that was necessary and expected. For at least a few days, we were filled with self-doubt and having somewhat of a pity party as we reflected on if we were where God is calling us to be at this moment in our lives and if us being in our respective jobs is what is best for the Finca kids going forward.
While that type of reaction is common and very human-like, I finally got to the point a few days later where I stopped viewing it through the lens of not ever being good enough for this job and started viewing it through the lens as an opportunity for growth in my current role. I am still unsure of exactly how I will be able to better support our missionaries on the ground, but I am confident that God will provide me with some sustainable options going forward. Vamos a ver! Our tias came to a similar realization a few days later in case you were curious! Praise God!
The second thing that REALLY, REALLY humbled me within the last week or so of writing this blog was a conversation that I had with my goddaughter, Cati. Cati has been at the Finca A LOT lately due to completing her practicum in October, being on vacation in January, and returning for a medical procedure in March. That being said, she has been around our missionary community A LOT over the last 6 months, and she understands the community dynamics as well as anyone. I have been traveling a fair amount between Trujillo and San Pedro Sula to pick up and drop off our immersion groups visiting the Finca, so Cati stayed with our 3 long-term missionaries at the Finca during that time.
In one of our last conversations before she went back to school in San Pedro Sula, Cati told me in an extremely loving and respectable way that she enjoys the missionary community life better when I am not there. She thinks the dynamics are off when I am present in Casa Santa Teresita because I ask a lot out of our missionaries and it doesn’t feel like authentic community…. I don’t have a good answer for this one yet because it is so new, but I am still working through it in prayer. PRAY FOR ME! I love community life SO DANG MUCH, but I have lived in the missionary house with one service coordinator during my time here that undoubtedly made community life more awkward, challenging, and tense. It is one of my biggest fears that will happen while I am the service coordinator as well.
That being said, I am extremely blessed to have realized that God has humbled me over the past couple of weeks in order to bring me closer to Him. I am excited for the opportunity to be able to learn from these rough patches for the well-being of our missionaries and our entire Finca community. Pray for me!
Please pray for all of our summer volunteer and long-term missionary applicants that are continuing to discern the Finca!
Please let me know how I can pray for you!
God Bless!