In my two years at the Finca so far, I have written only GREAT things in my monthly blogs because this children’s home in rural Honduras is truly SO, SO, SO incredible! I have experienced unbelievable amounts of peace, love, and joy during my two years at the Finca, and I had never really struggled in any capacity. I have certainly had some minor conflicts living in community, which is bound to happen living in any sort of community, and some minor disagreements with our Finca staff on best practices. Those minor issues aside, my life at the Finca had never been difficult in any capacity over the course of my first two years living here.
I firmly believe with all my heart in the work that the Finca does for our children, and I also firmly believe with all my heart in the part that missionaries play in this beautiful mission! I also firmly believe that for the missionary community to be able to serve to the best of their ability, a missionary coordinator is absolutely necessary. It is often not the most fun job at the Finca, but for the general missionary community to be able to simply love the child, tía, security guard, religious sister, maintenance worker, Lic, or member of the outside communities in front of them well, a missionary coordinator is necessary.
That being said, I started as our new missionary coordinator in mid-October once our new missionaries arrived at the Finca! I technically don’t start in the full job until December 1st, but, for all intents and purposes, I have been the missionary coordinator for the past month! It was a job that kept coming up in my personal prayer, and I felt like God was calling me to serve in a different way in this coming year. I also have been at the Finca for two full years now, and I obviously have such a deep understanding of our missionary program and how things generally work at the Finca. I believe it is MUCH easier to be missionary coordinator once you have lived at the Finca for a while, and I felt it wasn’t a fair task for any of the first-year missionaries who just arrived at our beautiful home.
However, over the course of the first three weeks on the job, I REALLY, REALLY struggled. Like REALLY, REALLY, REALLY struggled. For legitimately the first time in my time at the Finca, I was simply not doing well. It was a really hard time physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, and I think I really struggled for two main reasons.
1) I was SUPER, SUPER busy! Our school year didn’t end at the Finca until November 10th (with one week of “recuperation” classes with some students until November 17th), so I was still teaching my 6 English classes four days every week. I was teaching or planning every morning until lunch at 1pm, and then I had to trek to my new office to work on missionary coordinator things and train myself how to do the job until our 5pm spiritual event and again after dinner.
Over the course of my first two years at the Finca, I had always thought of myself as a missionary of presence. I had VERY few responsibilities, and I tried to spend all of my free time with our kids, tías, or larger Finca community. My job was simply to love the person in front of me, and I didn’t have to worry about hardly any job responsibilities!
Once I started as missionary coordinator, I simply didn’t have the time to the missionary of presence that I always thought was the best version of myself. That was a REALLY tough blow to the system, and I really struggled to come to terms with the differences in service between a normal missionary and the missionary coordinator. However, I knew this challenge would almost instantly disappear once my classes ended in mid-November, so I wasn’t too terribly worried about this difficulty. I knew that once classes ended, I should have plenty of time during my afternoons to get back to the beach with the boys, to drink 3pm coffee with our tías, and to spend quality time with almost everyone in our Finca community.
2) I also REALLY, REALLY struggled in another capacity once I started as missionary coordinator in October, and this difficulty was (maybe present tense, is?) much harder to work on and resolve. Living in intentional community is one of my favorite parts of living at the Finca, and I have been SO, SO, SO blessed to live with two amazing communities during my time at the Finca.
Once I became missionary coordinator, something changed with my relationships within my own missionary community. I was not expecting this change at all, and I really struggled to understand why things changed and where that change was coming from. Things were awkward and tense when I was around in the house, yet I was not content to simply accept that as part of the life of being the missionary coordinator. Even with Natalie and Kenna, who I just spent over a year with in CST without being missionary coordinator, things felt awkward, different, and much more like a work relationship. I really, really struggled with that change because that is not the type of missionary or person that I am, and I refused to accept that as the future of my relationships within the missionary community.
Luckily, with lots of prayer, gratitude, trust, and time (I think time simply heals everything 😊), things have improved SO, SO, SO much over the last week or so! I am much more comfortable within my new job as missionary coordinator, and I think I have certain skills and gifts that will hopefully allow me to be successful in my job for the benefit of our finca and missionary communities! Things obviously still aren’t perfect with the two challenges that I have faced over the past month, but they are clearly improving and moving in the right direction.
Please pray for me and my ability to continue to simply love the person in front of me in my new role. Please pray for my ability to love the Finca and missionary communities to the best of my ability!
Please pray for Natalie and Kenna, as they prepare to leave the Finca in about two weeks.
Please let me know how I can pray for you!
God Bless!